Opening the Heart

Well, I got back from a 4 day hike last night sore, sunburnt and alive.The walk was great, hard, long and I realise that everything that you can find out there in the Australian bush its trying to kill you - even most of the bushes and trees. but that aside - i had a ball and had lots of time to think and chew through some things.
I told a dear friend of mine some events from the walk and she said "How miraculous is it that the human spirit is so resilient?! Even when we're off down some random path something in us tells us where we need to be and we go. Amazing... Reminds me of a David Wilcox song "I feel you behind me, but how did you find me here?"Now, I don’t know that song - but i know what she means.
The thing that i was telling her happened after lunch on the 3rd day of the walk - we were doing out 'solo's' on pairs (cause its was too dangerous to do solo's because the number of snakes out in the area) so after lunch i told Scott that camp was "that way" *pointing* and we checked the direction with the map and compass and it was in that direction so i asked if we could just walk there - no map, no compass. and we did.
i was leading and after a few stops and me choosing paths through the scrub - Scotty asked me if i knew where i was going.
i didn’t, but i did - when i would get to a section i'd feel the correct way to go and trust that instinct.
in the end - it worked totally, we came out into this clearing and there was the other people who had headed off before us. Scotty was most impressed. as was i seeing as it has been a long time since i have tried to do that or something like it.
i have been reading Eckhart Tolle's the power of NOW again and its been opening up my heart and my mind, both things that have been closed for too long now i feel.
My heart from emotions and my mind from life as i should be living it.
so on the walk if i found myself thinking about thing - I’d 'watch' where that train of thought was going, and let it wander while thinking about why it was trying to do that, why it was remembering those things and how much that i could remember.
i thought about friends mainly, because they concern both the heart and the mind and possibly is an area that i have been neglecting over the past 10 months.
how you can fall out with your best friend because of something as stupid as someone else’s word.
how people will love you, but never tell you until you have unintentionally hurt them and then its too late.
how someone who you would put your life on hold for, for as long as they want - can change without you and you no longest know who they are.
how we can have people and we try to make decisions based on what we think is the right decision and not by what our hearts are telling - even screaming at us is the wrong one to make.
how new friends can begin to know you, but your caught up in protecting them from what it may be that scared off all the ones that you grew up with.
how we can connect with some people and others will never get us.
i don’t know what to do about any of it - I haven’t had enough to allow my heart to work it out - and I’m not going to let my mind take control because i think it'll get it wrong. and then i wont have grown.
But its another step in my growth at a person and hopefully, I’ll 'work' some of them out and grow more, from the experience.
at least i know that what ever path i take, what ever choice i make - i'll end up exactly where i was going.
Keep safe, smile and share love.
Sven.
Some claim to correct evil and lead to good. But this is only a passing desire.
Winning and losing is the ignorance that makes one believe in personality and the self.
I would like to be a mind beyond the dust.
Blue sky and white moon.
The wind sends us pure air.
Master Ikkyu Crazy Clouds from “The Wisdom of Zen”

Octoberfest

Last night i went into the uni bar for october fest - it was a good night, although the part that i had to walk home was really really cold!

anyway - when i was in there, i was talking to some mates and i turned around and who should be there but Amy and Meg (Emma's mates) so i smiled and went to talk to them.

and then emma sat down nest to me.
agh! what are these people doing here i thinks. this isnt cool!


but i got over it - sure i had the whole emence jealousness going on but not like i ususally do - when i saw her dancing with people or draping her self of this guy i didnt really have the ususal rithing hatred... i dont know if it was the alcohol of my current mind set that women in general are a waste of time and emotional energy.
i did take note that em does like older guys tho.

knowing myself, i know that i can keep fooling myself of that for a while yet, but its not like i'm going to change who i am - i get to emotionally attached, its like its something that i need.

i told a friend that what i want in a girl is someone who i can basicallly dote on. because i have some fundimental "need" to exert this pent up emotional stress.
"I have it here, all i want is some one to let it go on"


but enough of this.

all in all it was a good night.
i managed to get a lift back most of the way from town, so thus only having to walk about 30, 40 minits. and in that time a called a mate and we talked as i walked through the moon light.


well sory for the inability to spell, again i was just going off, so - no real idea as to what i have just typed.

keep safe, yours - Moi.

Chain Saw and 4WD's

well, back at uni this week....

but not completly - i've only been to one class and that was compulsury anyway.
its because i've been off doing my cross cut certificate and learning to drive a 4WD for the past 3 days.

4WD assessment this afternoon so i got the morning off.


its been good cause it makes me get up early, get to bed early, eat lots and i'm working all the time. to tell the truith, i'm not looking to forward to going to classes next week! ha!


HEAPS of assignments to be done in the next 2 weeks, dont know how i'll go, but i'll do my best. i have to do them early as i'm going back home on the 23 rd, 24th and 25th to do a training program with the discovery people so i can work as a ranger over summer.
and that will be awesome.
(if it wasnt for the assessments!!)

the trip home was awesome!! i loved it.
i got to go diving, sailing, drinking with some mates, a trip to canberra to see Taro, jess from boarder came over for a couple of days and i went to fLiNG's peformance of "who will come to the rescue" for the first 3 nights. AND ITS AWESOME!! Wooooot!

i bumped into the programers for the cobargo folk festival and they told me that we (theHellands) are going to be peformaing there next year - *fun!*

*looks over at calender*
if i get rec200 done by this weekend, then i have the next 2 weeks do get acc101 and rec260 done... but they are big and hard and i'm climbing next weekend. *O the time the time!!*

talking of time!! i got to talk to Megan last night on skype!! it was heaps of fun, auctually TALKING so that i could hear her voice. it made my night.

well, i'm going to vanish in a cloud of pink smoke, but i'll attempt to get back here at some stage and update as to what is happening.

ttyl - Sven.